Tue 31 Mar 2009
Global Warming V. Terrorism: the THROW DOWN
Posted by theamericangreen under Environmental
[3] Comments
Terror V. Warming: everyone can agree that there will probobly be a lot of flames.
It’s all so clear now. Verily, the scales have dropped from my eyes. I never realized the problem with global warming until Big Hollywood pointed it out! The site asks the all important question: Ever notice how as the threat of global terrorism reaches a crescendo, so apparently does the threat of global climate change?
That’s right: according to Big Hollywood, I am worried about global warming because I am too much of a pussy to fight terrorists.
First of all, let me say that I am ashamed for linking to the site that brought us such insightful social commentaries as “rap is crap“, but in the same way that I find myself unable to stop watching the Republican leadership bumble about, I am also unable to stop reading what passed for insightful commentary out there. Or… was that humor? The author is a comedian, and she is peppering that piece with delightful Ann Coulterisms about abortion, guns, and liberal spending.
Ok, so lets look at this thang.
Humor, social commentary, or both?
Global warming is the lefts way of keeping people afraid and under our thumb, huh? This, from the ideologies that brought you the color scheme for terrorism, the constant threats, and the new Bin Ladin tape leaking right before every major election for the last 8 years.
It turns out that the PROBLEM with Earth Hour, and turning out the lights for earth day wasn’t that it was empty symbolism, but that it was giving the terrorists ample time to strike!
I love the idea that the terrorists (that monolithic force out there somewhere) was simply waiting for the lights to go out. Can you imagine that conversation?
Terrorist 1: It is time. The Bombs are all in place, the men are ready, Allah’s eye is upon us! Let us STRIKE!
Terrorist 2: Yeah, but… the lights are so bright! Someone might see us coming! Plus, I’ve really fallen off the diet wagon, and I want to either look GOOD for Martyrdom, or not have anyone be able to see the paunch.
Terrorist 1: Hmmm, good point. Well, everyone is turning off the lights at 8:30 pm on Earth day… we could wait till then.
Terrorist 2: Whew, good idea.
Jesus Christ. Right when I was getting some good snark on about Earth Hour and all that, they have to go so over the top as to make me reflexively ally myself with Greenpeace. YOU ARE FORCING MY HAND, CONSERVATIVE BLOGS! YOU LEAVE ME WITH NO CHOICE!!
Look, the argument that other problems are more pressing then global warming is a fine one to make. Many people do, and I can respect that, and appreciate the nuance. But come on: must you call other people pansies for not quaking in fear constantly that the brown skinned person next to me might be secretly holding a nuke in his laptop case? I feel like anyone can come up with a series of important things to worry about. Like, why aren’t you out feeding the homeless right now? Why aren’t you working with dis-enfranchised inner city youth?
So both of my examples are deemed not that important by many on the right, who would prefer to protect the sanctity of life up until it actually starts to matter, then discard it like a broken rag doll, (see? I can do stupid politically sensitive digs too!) but my point is that anyone can express that they think global warming isn’t the most important thing for them, personally, to be worrying about. How does that, therefore, make it a socialist plot to take your tax dollars away?
Can we all grow a collective memory here for a second? The cluster-fuck that is our current economic system was brought around by RAMPANT CAPITALISM! It is bizarre and unholy revisionist history to make the claim that global warming spending has been the reason we are in this disaster.
Really, I don’t know why I do this to myself. Some people in the comment fields are taking this as a joke (and comparing the author to Jonathan Swift. No. Just… No) while others seem to really believe the hype. All I can say is: you tip your hand pretty early when you make this thing about competitive threats. Dueling banjos of world destruction. Our fear is more fearful and more crippling and more terrifying then yours, so we are more bad-ass.
Thanks for taking the twin problems of American foreign policy and environmental policy and reducing them to the level of a schoolyard bicker. ‘Cause, you know: only the conservatives can claim the legacy of the Twin Towers, but only liberals are worried that ground zero might end up under water.
Hey Lefties: I’ll bet that our threat can kick your threat’s ass. Let’s see — can climate change kick jihad’s ass?
In the spirit of attempting, with all of my soul, to look at this as a piece of humor, and see the intrinsic social commentary within, I’ll simply say this: I appreciate this article if it is an attempt at self-depreciating humor, mocking the culture of fear that surrounds us all. However, if that is the goal of Big Hollywood: you fucking suck at it.
Anger is not humor. Fear is not humor. We (by which I mean, my circle of thoughtful academic liberal friends — the crew that don’t live in reality) laugh at things that are too big, too all encompassing, and too inexplicable for words (mostly why I spend much of my time at Big Hollywood laughing) as a way of coping with the insanity of life. As far as I can tell, the rights version of humor is something to hide behind when they are finished wiping the blood and venom from the corners of their mouth.
“oh, that? we were just joking! Get a sense of humor, you asshole”
UPDATE: Got to give Big Hollywood props. Mocked ‘em for the Rap is Crap post, so got to give them ups for the back and forth (open, insightful and educational) that has resulted.
Who wrote this one? TheAmericanGreen - The founding member of the American Green institute, and a New York based producer and writer hoping to make the jump from "freelancer" to "documentary producer". Read more from this author
“Big Hollywood” is the most ridiculous thing to come out of Hollywood since…never mind, no good way to end that sentence.
The Big Hollywood article you are remarking on was quite silly. I too was unable to differentiate the satire from the pure humor from the genuine opinion in the peace. It dealt in generalities and rested on a bed of assumption.
That said – please do not equivocate the genuine threat of the Islamic fundamentalist movement with someone being scared that the “brown-skinned” person next to them may be holding a snuke. While some people may be overtly paranoid about the unrealistic notion that there are legions of terrorists on main street, many people rationally recognize the advance of Islamic fundamentalism overseas to be a global threat both today and, more importantly, in the future.
Perhaps conservatives are mired in the past, perhaps progressives try forcefully mold their image of the future. History suggests that the threat of radical Islam will not go away. History also suggests that when the panic and fear wane in regards to climate change, another alarming environmental threat will take its place, conjured through noticing broad statistical trends and then ignoring the untold thousands of climate variables unaccounted for in the data.
History, of course, can be wrong: it does not invariably repeat itself. But I can look to history a whole hell of a lot better then I can glance into the future.
Jonny: thanks for posting. You will get no argument from me, though. I was thinking (when I was writing that post) how absurd the idea of dueling fears was, but I don’t mean to downplay the fact that there is a fundamentalist movement in the world that continues to threaten the west. I would quibble with the idea that either fear should be something that dominates your life enough to see terrorists (or ENVIRONMENTAL DEVILS!) around every turn, but your History point is a good one, and well taken.