Living the American Green

A community organizer for Big Oil

I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but our friends over at Big Oil have had a major win today.  But you know what? They deserve this one.  America’s oil companies have toiled long and hard since they first came to this grand country in the Mayflower.  Or was it the Santa Maria?  Either way, they were instrumental in building this country, AND NOBODY EVER GIVES THEM THE HONOR THEY DESERVE.

Big Oil has long been the black sheep of the American energy family, never getting any respect or policy thrown their way (unless you count the incoherent ramblings of one crazy Alaskan).  Yet they have continued on blindly and faithfully, fighting the good fight, insuring that every American man, woman, and child will have secure the right to fuel their yacht until the commie sheep come and take it away.

But today; today the socialist White House potheads threw this underdog a piece of policy big enough for a liberal to choke on:

The Obama administration is proposing to open vast expanses of water along the Atlantic coastline, the eastern Gulf of Mexico and the north coast of Alaska to oil and natural gas drilling, much of it for the first time, officials said Tuesday.  The proposal…would end a longstanding moratorium on oil exploration along the East Coast from the northern tip of Delaware to the central coast of Florida, covering 167 million acres of ocean.

Clearly, this is the right move.  The Ocean? Water? It can suck it.  FISH don’t fuel my hummer.  The TIDES don’t drive me to Taco Bell.  WAVES can’t run my oil-powered alarm clock.  So let’s drill until there ain’t no more of those darn slippery creatures left in the Atlantic.  LtAG founder Alan Smith couldn’t be happier about the news:  “its nice to see them get a win, really.”  Here here.  I’d like to raise a toast- to the underdogs, and to oil.  Because really, they’re one in the same.

P.S. Here’s a little video snippet (from Obama’s YouTube page) showing how offshore drilling has been discriminated against by environmentalists.  Wait..but didn’t Obama…wait. I’m confused.

Who wrote this one?  Dana Variano is a screenwriter, director, and new media strategist. She is the founder of Where’s My Sled? Productions, and is currently working as Web Content Manager/Producer for a housing nonprofit. Read more from this author